If you are considering divorce, your life is changing. Make your new life into the life you want.
If you are considering or facing a divorce, it is normal to mourn the life that you have lost. All change is difficult. But divorce, like any other change, is the beginning of a new chapter, as well as the close of an old chapter. You have an opportunity to write your own ending. You can make that ending a happy one for you, and for your children. This is true even if you feel the loss of your marriage is a disaster.
Divorce means your life is changing, but it doesn’t have to make your life worse. It can make it better.
Divorce is like any other family change. When my children began growing up, it devastated me. I loved sitting them in my lap and reading stories to them. I loved watching their eyes grow to the size of saucers on Christmas morning. And I hated losing that sense of wonder. I hated knowing that my kisses could no longer heal all the blows that the world might give them. Watching them move to the next stage was like mourning the death of the child they were. I missed the relationship that was.
Don’t wait for change to happen to you. Pick the change you want, and make it your new life.
But that is how change works. I suspect many of you can relate, especially this time of year as we look back on the past and forward to the year ahead. We do not like change at home, and we do not want it, even if we know we cannot stop it — and even if things at home are bad. Even if we know that divorce can make life better.
We may not be able to stop change, but that does not mean that change cannot work for us. Be brave enough to look back at the past and ask hard questions. Do you want this coming year to look like the last one? If not, what are you going to do to make it different? What are you going to do to make it better?
As a divorce attorney, I see many people struggle with taking that step and filing for divorce, especially when there are children involved. It gets swept under the rug and ignored as a possibility, even if it is impossible to put entirely out of mind. This is especially true during the holiday season, when we try to recapture family magic — holding on to those moments with the children that I talked about earlier, even in the face of inevitable change. But the holidays are over now. We are left with the same situation we were in before. If you want something better, it will only happen if you make it happen. You can’t improve your marriage if your spouse is willing to improve it. But you can improve your own life. Instead of being a tragedy, divorce may be the key that makes your life better.
Change can be wonderful
And change? If you accept change, and concentrate on making it work, change can be wonderful. Yes, when Savannah, my oldest, stopped being a little girl, I missed the relationship that was. But we have developed a new, more equal relationship. Each new phase is precious and amazing. No longer the child full of wonder, she turned into a good friend who enjoyed shopping with me — and then into an excited bride planning her family and future. Now, she is running her own business, and we are each other’s favorite person to talk with about marketing plans and business growth.
You are not nearly as powerless as you might feel right now. I promise: Things can get better, if you take the right steps.
You might look into the future and fear the change that you see. But change is the one constant in this world. Your world is going to change, the question is whether we allow the change to happen to us, or if we embrace that change, and remake it into a future we will want. You are not nearly as powerless as you might feel right now. I promise: Things can get better, if you take the right steps. Divorce can make your life better.
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